I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
being pregnant is like rehab
Found the puke drawer
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
