who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize