You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
