I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
