I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Randomize
