i just sent this text using only my big toe
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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