I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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