you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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