So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
