I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
