You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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