Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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