is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
