Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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