Whod you bang
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
