Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
