You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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