you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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