This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
