he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize