I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize