I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
