did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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