There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
