is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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