Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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