i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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