Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
