why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
