So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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