Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
