Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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