Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
