party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
