I met the friendliest cop last night
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
