My sheets look like a crime scene.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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