you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
