I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
