Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I think i got beer on your cat.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
