No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
