my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
