Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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