did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
