She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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