Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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