i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
