I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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