she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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