R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
