I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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