I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
