The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
