Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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