I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
