She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
