I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
