wanna go halves on a baby?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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