Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
