Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize