Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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