BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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