how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
