...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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