i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
