I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
