I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize