HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
