the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
